This was a post that I have been very wary of writing because it is generally something so personal and I’ve had a lot going on towards the back end of last year (2019).
Let’s start with the changes that have happened:
- I changed jobs several times
- We decided to have a baby
- We moved out to a new city leaving our beloved London behind.
To me, all of the above were very big decisions and things that actually gave me quite a bit of anxiety. I must say, it was not easy. It all happened VERY quickly and sort of just spiralled and now here I am living a new chapter in my life.
So hey, why not write a blog about it?! After all, it’s the perfect way to get back into it after being offline for so long! (Secret is, I’ve also had writer’s block for the longest time!)
The first question that a lot of people always asked us is whether our baby was planned?
Yes, it was. I and my partner have spoken about having children a lot when we first got together. It was something that was especially important to him seeming as he comes from a very close-knit family and kids just love climbing all over him like monkeys. (As you can imagine, this just put my ovaries in overdrive – okay okay TMI!)
However, I also think that a large portion of the influence was based on me coming off my pill. For a very long time, I tried various contraceptive methods and they all just absolutely sucked. My body really struggles with the extra hormones that are being pumped into it whether that is based on water retention, constant bleeding or really bad migraines. I just could not do it any longer. So we both decided that it’s probably the best for me to come off it and give my body a rest. I will not lie, I could not help but think about having children as if it was a withdrawal symptom. It’s like a whole new wave of hormones hit me and I just couldn’t control it!
After about two months, I decided to suggest the topic to my partner. It was on a walk in the woods (because we’re old romantics), and I genuinely had no idea what he would say. He is younger than me and I knew that a large portion of his decision was based on this. We also lived with his parents and of course, this is not the ideal for raising a child. As well a this, I was very unhappy with my career progress. I was in a new job, working at 7am-6pm and travelling on the London underground. I would be lying to you if I said that he was enthusiastic with it straight away and I did not push the subject. I just laid it out to him and waited to see what his response was – after all, its a life-changing choice.
Now here we are, several months later with a gremlin kicking about in my tummy as I write this post. Once he made his mind up, there was literally no changing it and he was the happiest man when he found out that our test came back positive.
Was it easy trying for a baby?
Yes and no. I am grateful because it did not take us very long but there was a lot of added pressure. As I mentioned before, not having our own place was definitely a factor that really played on my mind. I always wanted to be in my own place when we decided to have children and I feel like that is fair enough. Children are loud, creative creatures and I’d much rather they wake me up at night than the whole household. During this time it’s all I could think about so in a way, even though it is selfish to say, I did want to delay it a little longer until I finally got our own place. Alongside this, I was tired and my body started to become a little bit out of sync which always makes things harder.
On the other hand, my partner had worries of his own. Even though he is young, his man ego needed to know whether he was capable of having children. I’d like to at this point mention that it is a rather natural thought if you’ve never tried before. Every time we got back a negative test, his disappointment seemed to get a little bit bigger. If anything, I feel like this created a whole new bond between us and taught us to support each other in a whole new way through communicating about subjects which would not have otherwise arisen.
How did you tell your partner?
Well, I had it all planned out. I really wanted to do the whole reveal and record his reaction thing. I had several ideas about how I could do this but as you can imagine, me being me, I got too excited and tried calling him. The only issue was that he had a really early shift at work and I couldn’t really get through to him. I had a big event that day and tried to use the excuse of ‘I’m feeling really anxious, can you give me a call when you have 5 minutes’. Of course, he realised that this was a lie and we kept missing each others’ calls that day. I am a rubbish liar and can not hide anything especially from him. In the end, it most probably came out in the most 21st-century type of way – a text message. BUT only because he couldn’t wait until after work and decided to try sussing it out himself may I say – straight away.
We both met up after work for a quick coffee and tea and all he could do is keep asking me if it’s really happening with stary/twinkling eyes. Yes. Yes, it was.
When did you start telling people and who did you tell first?
Now, this is something that we didn’t really discuss before as a couple. We both had slightly different ideas of when to tell people and who to tell first. I really didn’t want to tell anyone until I started showing or could no longer hide it.- I’m just the sort of person that likes to keep some things to myself. He wanted to tell everyone straight away. (I think we can start seeing a pattern here). In the end, we decided to compromise and tell our siblings first. I still think those were the best reactions we actually received from anyone we ever told. I heard his brother shout in excitement from the other side of the house and when we told my sister she thought we were having a laugh. I think she still doesn’t really quite believe it to be honest.
Overall, there were a lot of happy tears and hugs from family and excited friends.
We are now both set up for our new life and are looking forward to taking you on the journey with us. As expected, we are both full of fear but the excitement is taking over x